whoa

so what does this make me?



i'm scared.

all it takes

is a song and a memory.

g'bye reason.

>

slickers unite! don't you like it on the sly.
don't you like it til it hurts?

yessir.

only in the morning.

why don't i write anymore, you ask?
i've been asking myself the same exact thing lately.

i think i died.
again.

la la la la

I. Am. Slain.



Drove back up last night. Had some deep covo with the sister. Very deep. Deeper than the maraianas trench. Deeper than the US's love of mcdonalds and capitalistic murder.

But alas and alack. Dead week apparently. I am met with. One is so forlorn when faced with it. All I want to do is finish my little book and contemplate the small eccentricities of human form and writing style, and how I knew all along about Gossip Girl. Something that popular could no way be originally conceived from some O.C. writing mind. Not to say it's not clever. It is. Perhaps I'm just another cheerless prole.

and i'm short on rent.

zut alors.... mais c'est la vie, non?

see you

soon, boys.

I

saw this today.



West Anderson's best -that I've seen- so far.

Too tired/lazy to write anything else.

:]

this

is me.



Because I said so, I know so.

m

soup.

I made carrot soup the other day. It was bomb. I was pleasantly and ecstatically surprised.

I can't cook worth a damn.

But my soup was ah-mazing. Two people agreed. That counts as being legitimately good.

Soup is the best thing to eat in the world. After that is japanese food.



p.s. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows = Awesome.

good

oh

games
games
games



humor me, bacchus.
induce me into contrived fantasy and make my imaginings reality.

i read

The Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard, defines dread as the knowledge of what you must do to prove you’re free, even if it will destroy you. His example is Adam in the Garden of Eden, happy and content until God shows him the Tree of Knowledge and says, “Don’t eat this.” Now, Adam is no longer free. Thee is one rule he can break, hemust break to prove his freedom, even if it destroys him. Kierkegaard says the moment we are forbidden to do something, we will do it. It is in- evitable. Monkey think, monkey do. According to Kierkegaard, the person who allows the law to control his life, who says the possible isn’t possible just because it’s illegal, is leading the inauthentic life.

Sketch. My studying is but a preparation for an unseen result. I can't do this, I can't do that. I'm going crazy, everything makes me go crazy. I'll lose my mind before I do this, I'll do that before I lose my mind. I really want this, but I'm going to do that. I'm pretending. So are you. I'm scared. Shit-less. Life life life. Will anything take away the fear? No.

I'm confused
You're confused
We're all confused and amused and diffused.
howl howl howl
hardy har har

Someday it'll come to you.

At least, that's what we all hope for.

Today I read many disturbing things. What goes on in some of these twisted human minds. What. Goes. On.

Got the best image too. A confused one.

Feb. 22 '05
counselor.

stalkin

the homies.


http://alfonsoazcaiturrieta.bandcamp.com/

:]

ennui

can't understand why.
slightly bothered by it.
slightly.
nearly reconciled.
almost.
barely wondering.
should I?



what does it matter what anyone thinks anyways?
actually, it doesn't. right? so why does it then?
no fun
not happy

you know you never got the call coz i didn't want the rrrromance.

cancel sunday
cancel monday
don't look at me

been runnin on the no tomorrow road at great speed.

don't forget my cigarettes and get somethin that we can drink. ;}

f-f-friday
come to me already
you know you wanna


said. the cheerleader.
said, the
mind reader

when they all should let us BE
we belong to YOU AND ME.

sounds and laughs and strumming nights
no worries in the soir
it all comes crashing down in the AM
AM stupid
AM wrong
AM ready
AM NOT
gonna do this

bored. you're bored.
we're bored.
i, you, us, we?

sometimes i feel so happy
sometimes i feel so sad
sometimes i feel so happy
but mostly you just make me mad
baby you just
make me MAD.

baby you just
make me mad.

linger on...

vets

we salute you.

"To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with lots of pride in the heroism of those who died in the country's service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations." - Pres. WW

Thanks guys. You're some brave cats.

I really want to watch this. I love this kind of stuff.



And I've especially always wanted to know (even if it will be dramatized) why and how exactly the Alexandria library was burned. I remember reading about it in this young adult fiction about Cleopatra.

So excited.

p.s. you know you're out of food when your lunch looks like you're eating bugs. oh well. in any case, veggie burgers=awesome. don't care what the haters say.

dear

cold war kids:

have fun at your show tonight. i know I won't be.



instead, i'll be trying to memorize a shitload of chapters on the golgi and ldls, and oogenesesis, among other such things.

i wish i could be bringing my buckets the dozens.

oh meg. i wish i would've listened to you when you said "you wanna be an writer. well DON'T. Be a DOCTOR."

HA HA HA

oh the irony of life.

we are all

No WAY in Hell that there's a human being out there who can match up to perfection. At least I can admit that I'm a flake and that I'm unreliable, and that I'm imperfect. At least I'm not pretending to be something I'm not.

Honestly, when people talk about deja vu and other such things, I think this is what they mean. Deja vu isn't some sort of recurrent event in life as people would think. It's simpler than that. It's a real, live motif. Tangible. Our reality is ever present and there is no past or future. Just an ongoing event, an ongoing story, an ever-present spectacle. And death, is only the beginning. And just because our reality is our perception of this world, just because "now we see through a glass, darkly," that does NOT make it any less true or real. Just blurred. Even as I take my glasses off, there is a haze to my surroundings, yet I can still see color and shape and form. Perhaps is is not as clear or sharp, the resolution not as bright, but I am certain that I am one hundred percent certain that I am here and not there.

And you know what? People say idiot things and chase the stupidest dreams. But it's ours to chase. Ultimately.

If only there was a true knowledge of the truth, yes? But that's exactly what we're all looking for. Truth.

And I think most of us go wild over simplicity, because ultimately, it is so very simple. Yet we are loath to face the truth of the matter entirely. Because we are too prideful to admit defeat.

And THAT is why man falls, over and over again.

gnar

fast talkers

& slow thinkers

never gets old.



"Tell me the truth, Frank, remember that? We used to live by it. And you know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth, Frank, they just get better at lying."







soul



Pt. I only
exclude Pt. II, III



always.


"Hopeless emptiness. Now you've said it. Plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness."

nwyot

dangerous combination of sophomore slump & doubting thomases running rampant in iv.

where are they sir? i'll believe it when i see it.



we all see the truth that we want to.