Sunday, November 13, 2011

The grid is lame. We don't do stop motion here.
We do life motion.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

This just

might be one of my most favorite songs of all time.



I miss my sister.

I also miss having a clue.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I

made the ringtone on my phone myself. See what I did was, I recorded the intro of this Modest Mouse song on the voice record option (yes, very 7th grade, I know) and then I made it into a ringtone. Easy as pie.

So now, whenever I get a call, a text message, or my phone alarm goes off, it all occurs to the wail of Isaac Brock's weirdly soothing voice yelling about how he's got pejoratives and the groom's rice and all that good stuff.

Sadly, this made me very happy. Actually, it made me so happy that every time someone called me, I let the ringer go off for quite a while. It was pretty amusing, and it was way better than my first homemade ringtone attempt, which was a voice record of MY VOICE quoting "I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby," in an acerbic tone a la Julia Stiles.

Why do I find this important enough to blog about? Well, perhaps it's because I (like many other half-Americans, or even many other people inhabiting this incredibly confusing sphere we call earth) am prone to escapism, especially during the summer months. I will argue that it is most definitely not a cause of boredom, as boredom would involve other things, like facebook. Which, honestly, must be terminated. That thing is the bane of my existence. I really don't care how many arguments or pros anyone can give me for it, it's gotta get lost.

If we're being honestly honest, I would admit, however, that my escapist tendencies make me a perfect candidate for Harry Potter fanaticism. When I write fanaticism, it is with the utmost affection, the likes of which I'm sure Madame Rowling can comprehend is unequivocally unlike the traditional branding of fanaticism (say, for example, justin bieber lovers or whatever).

No, this affection is much more deeply rooted and real. A true understanding of the melding and intricacies of her prose, of her imagination, of the emotional veracity within her characters. Oh yes, this is something great. Something Stephen King would call brilliant and way better than Twilight (I paraphrase here). But I digress. Basically what I'm getting at is, if I had one wish in the world, it'd probably be that the wizarding world of Harry Potter were real and that I were a witch. Oh and that everyone in my family and friends were also part of this wizarding world.

Is that too much to ask for? If Michael Bay can actually get people to watch his puerile garbage, then I should get my wish.

This is America, after all.

Well, almost.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Today

And oh, she said,
Till the end of my days
I shall live always
in a dolorous haze.

I can't seem to shake this emotional state I'm in. It seems I'm always "a quiver with curiosity." Or is it listlessness? But it would seem it's the puerile kind that's not really firmly rooted enough to be requited.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Monday, May 2, 2011

Once again

procrastination.

On another note:

"We are all but kings or pawns, a man once said."

Let that sink in.

Maybe I'll put some of my poetry up later. It's deep. Really. Like an ocean. Tcha.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

feelin

it.

"You remind me

of the Bible."
"I don't understand."

No, most people don't. My mind isn't smart or cool or clever. I'm just really good at putting two an two together.

Finding random connections and parallels that no one else can.

Oh well. Someday hopefully there'll be a purpose for this kind of thing.

I am always inspired by the Bible.

Take this passage, for example. This is beautiful.


John 1

The Word Became Flesh

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

2 He was with God in the beginning.

3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.

6 There was a man sent from God whose name was John.

7 He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe.

8 He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

9 The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.

10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.

11 He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.

12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—

13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.



Why would we come up with this? Who? What would have been the motive for this preoccupation for a savior, a messiah, a christ? A "supreme being." Where did this originate?

You tell me.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Got

brouillons, brouillons...

Everything seems to want to tear my away from art history right now. Not that I don't love it, but my dear darling, writing papers is just tedium extraordinaire.

Ah well.

But alas, it must be endured. I'm sitting in the sun right now, by the window in the living room. It's streaming in beautifully, warming my popsicle-stick fingertips which never seem to manage warmth when I'm in my apartment. Place seems like the godammned Arctisk. I'm ready for it though, wrapped in my spidey blanket that I stole from home. I miss home. It calls to me with the fragrant sweetness of a rare wine. Sigh. Home is where the heart is, do they not say? Well, my heart is dead, petrified and preserved somewhere, but home I most definitely do yearn for.

My God the sun feels heavenly. I kid you not, my fingers remind me of Jack Skellington whenever I'm here. 'Twould behoove me to invest in gloves. But I'm stupid, because whenever I'm at a place where there ARE gloves, I somehow convince myself that I don't need them, that I need something else. Like a skirt, or a jacket. Which I have already.

Ok. Well I'd better get back to Bruegel and Poussin, I suppose. Poor old deceased souls are calling me up from the grave.



And then when I'm done with this stupid paper, I'll learn how to play this song, which is great.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

To-day

Ah. The worst part of it. I can’t really think of it right now. But I know there’s definitely a “worst” part. No doubt about that.
Lord.

Alright. So earlier today, then.

Stupidity of mine, I love to just walk in on people, confidently do I sidle up and expect something clever to just burst forth from those lips of mine.
So there I go, I see you, there’s naught else to do but to go for it. Right?

Right. So I go for it. La deeh dah. Creepy. That’s what I must seem. Silently do I walk up next to him, oh look, a look of confusion.
On my face, that is.
What are you doing here? You should be there, I say.
He says, why are you looking over there, I’m not there. I’m not there.

I’m not here. Lord God in heaven, I am slain from day one and still to this day I can’t push that away.

We talk. Useless, random words. Meaningless in their jargon, we try to seem elevated and soulful. We are intelligent, I grin, you smile. It’s easy and effortless, like breathing fresh air. It envelops your senses and makes you feel smart and calm and sly all at the same time. I am clever, but so are you. Ah wait, don’t play coy with me, those eyes say. The corner of the mouth smirks. I know what you want, I know what you’re doing. I’m not having it. And the timidity in my voice says, I want it. Longing and brutality.

Lord God in Heaven.

You’re so awesome. Is that what he said? I can’t be sure anymore, but I think I gave a nice loud and bewildered “why?” You tell me, little girl, is his condescending reply, dripping with whatever it is that gets me high off him. Can’t meet his eyes, that’s the worst part. I thought I was a big one, all talk and walk and strut and jump; not so. Not when I’m face to face with those things, I can barely breathe. Feel thirteen again. Feels stupid. But nice. Nice and oh so fine I want him to be mine.

And then, once again not sure of the how and why, but I remember he puts his hand on my face. Why? No clue. Consolation?

Perhaps. Ah yes, definitely. It’s all games. Role the die, blow on it, maybe you’ll get lucky. One step too close, maybe if I aim over here. I play. I’m ok. I could be better. I could be great. If only there wasn’t that little house-arrest factor that was like a goddamned brick sinking into the deep blue sea waiting to get lost in the sheer enormity of impossibility for me.

And thus, I am doubly slain. No pain no gain. Right?

Not really.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

the funniest thing is

when people try and figure you out.

Try making a piece of paper unwrinkled.

That's right: it's fucking impossible.

You know why?
Coz the minute we set foot on this Earth, the minute we begin to walk tall and proud upon it, we're weighed, measured, and found wanting.
Dated.
The rendez-vous?
Death.

Vous comprendrez?

Monday, February 14, 2011

"keepin time/time/time in-a-sort-of Rune-ic Rhyme."

In loving memory of my RIP-ing heart, this shall be posted. It had been gathering dust on file somewhere, but as it is a holly-day, then here I post this, in honor of that pagan mating ritual celebrated today, throughout the depressing as fuck-ridden world we live in. Happy VALEN-tines.

(FYI: this is rough. inspired by guess who. bet you can't. although, wouldn't be surprising seeing as how it's MY style, not his)

_______________________

"Broke"
________

Think about this for a second.

Just a second. A tiny little moment, a crack of time and sound. Like a bang. Or a boom.

Small and quick and simple.

Now picture it. That thing that keeps you up. Makes you toss and turn. Makes you want to dream longer. Makes you loath to awaken.

Makes the colors move behind your eyes. Makes them come alive.

Until they're something else entirely. Not just a thought, but a thing. Not just a wave, but a person. A some-thing, a some-one.

A time and a place.

She's burned into your mind. Or that place, it nags at your insides. Your stomach just dropped. Sharp pain in your gut, like a roller coaster. You just went down. Didn't want to, but did at the same time.

That's it. Very good. You know what I'm talking about now. It's right there. Illuminated.

You're burning now. The crack, the bang, the tick-tock of echoing water-drops at the back of your every waking thought. Al-ways.

Don't lie. You see it.

Think again. Is it yours yet? Got that pretty little picture?

Al-most.

(Maybe) You can nearly feel it, taste it, touch it. It's within your trem-bling fingertips it's so close.

Maybe not.

Maybe it's such a dream, you daren't even write it down, daren't even let this little crack of light and sound cross your mind. Maybe it keeps it's weak, dying self hidden away within the recesses of your terrified mind, of your wretched, aching soul.

Maybe your heart dies with it day by day, starving like a sickly little child. Maybe the child is you.

Bang.

It flickers. The colors are moving quickly now.
We don't do stop motion here.
We do life motion.

Crack.

Flicker. There it is again, that memory. Hold on to it, for one day it'll cost you your life. Keep it alive.

Fan the flame.

Turn back.

Flip the page.

Open the door.

Bat the axe.

Go down the rabbit hole.

It won't hurt.
It'll keep you alive.
It'll fuel your fire.
Just a snap.
Anything else will release the flood.
But not this.

Play it again.

Repeat. Restart.
Re-gur-gi-tate.

Click.
Tick.
Drip.

Just another spoonful of sugar.

Makes the medicine go down.

In an oh-so-frightful way.


Ok.

Now stop.

Keep at that there long enough and you just might make it out alive.

______

-Property of NV, VIOLENCIA Y VALENTIA SANGRIENTA PERJUDICADA LLAMADA NICO-LE. MI-O UNICO, CONSTRUIDA DE ESTA MENTE, MIERDA DE CEREBRO QUE NO SABE HACER NADA NI CONTSTRUIR NADA, SOLAMENTE HABLAR Y DECIR Y MANDAR Y MATAR COSAS EN SU MENTE. Y EN SU CORAZON DE VIOLETAS ROJAS E AZULES ULTRAMARINAS.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

THANK YOU

God.

For Pharrell, I mean.

HOLY

SHIT.



Dear Coachella.

I'm seeing you one way or another. I'll sell my liver.

The end.

- Nic

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

FANTASIES

IN THE DISTANCE IS A FAR-OFF LIGHT
THAT SHINES SO GREEN AND OH SO BRIGHT
AND AS I READ THIS TALE OF DREAMS
THIS LIFE OF MINE SO AS ONE SEEMS
THESE BRIGHT LIGHTS AND SOUNDS AMISS
IN THIS ROOM, YET HINT OF BLISS
OR IS IT MINE OWN IMAGING
TO SEEK TO FIND THAT FAR-OFF THING?
AND YET THE WIND HOWLS LONG ECHO THERE
AGAIN IT SIGHS AND SCREECHES AIR
I LOOK BACK UP, BEHOLD THAT LIGHT
AND DISAPPEARED IT FROM MY SIGHT
YET I HAVE HAD NO CHANCE TO MOURN
IT'S LOSS FOR ONCE AGAIN IT'S FORM
AND THERE IT IS YET REAPPEARED
AS I DESIRE IT SO NEAR
WOULD LEAVE THIS PLACE AND SEEK IT NOW
WERE NOT THE FEAR OF BREAKING VOW
AND THOUGH TIS DARK AND COLD AND LONE
IT CALLS TO ME, DESIRED KISS
FROM WHOSE DEAR LIPS I HAVE BUT THIS
IMAGE, DREAM-LIKE WITHIN THIS MIND
KNOWS OF IT NOT, NOR OF ITS KIND
FOR FEAR IS MINE UPON REVEAL...
AND HUMBLED, SMALL I STAND
DESIRING TOUCH UPON THIS HAND
THOSE EYES, THAT BEAUTY SO FINE
OH GAZE UPON THESE MINE
AND LET FORCE THUS INTERTWINE

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

either

I am the one or the other.

I cannot be both.

Either I am here or there. Up or down. The sun or the moon. The sky or the sea.

"for now we see through a glass, darkly."

But soon. Someday.

Every day we get a little closer. A little closer.

We're running. Some think we're running away. Some think we're crazy. Some say we're stupid. Some call us fools. Ignorant. Conservative. Delusional.

I say it doesn't matter what you call me. I say I am naught but a shadow on this earth, naught but a fleeting moment. Gone as soon as I came.

A specter in the sun, the splendor in the grass.

I know one thing's for sure:
Things are only right when I'm right here. Right now. That's the only time. It doesn't even matter what I want to do, because I really don't want to do those things. I'm in love. And there's only one thing I want. And He's got it. He is it. I have no history except Him.

Something inside us
Is coming alive as we see
You for who you are.

The truth resonates throughout history. It's echo reverberates and is undoubtedly true. Sooner than later, all is revealed, no matter what is said or thought.



This song is completely spontaneous.